Today I felt peace. God really laid something on my heart during worship. I heard His voice whisper into my ear, "I am here for you, you have nothing to fear, just trust me". The lesson today was in Luke chapter 12 where I was reminded not to worry and not fear, for God is near. All I need to do is "Let go and let God" and know that He will provide. Since I have moved to Portland I have experienced a vast amount of change in my life to where I have become emotionally exhausted. I've been happy, I've been sad, I've smiled and I've cried, I've been excited and I've been scared. I've been confident, confused, and self-conscious. All of these emotions I have buried deep within and tried to cope with them all by myself instead of casting all of my cares upon Him. In result, I have become lost in my path, tripping over my own feet, and left with no sense of direction. It is difficult to stay focused on what God has in store for me here while I have been desperately seeking approval and social acceptance through 'finding a job'. I want to be respected, I want to be successful, and I want to be responsible. I want to make my family proud.
It is easy to become restless in external expectations and pressures of society. Maintaing a positive attitude is this constant struggle and dealing with the disappointment in this never-ending job search. I wish I could feel a sense of relief in obtaining security. I am frustrated with feeling failure. Sometimes I even dread answering the phone when I feel like I don't have 'good' news to tell, something that would make me feel like I fulfilled my purpose.
Lately, God has really captured my attention in teaching me that there is a lot more to life than how we make a living. A lot of people let their occupation define who they are and their purpose in life, which overlooks the sole purpose God gave us life. I can see God's hand at the work in the experiences I have had so far in Portland. I have found a wonderful church family to connect with and I feel very welcomed in their community. I know all the people I have met and the relationships I have started to build have all been God's work at hand. He has opened up doors of opportunity for me to use my gifts to serve and strengthen his kingdom. I know he will continue to bless me if I keep placing my faith in Him and let Him take complete control over my life. This truly has been one of the most valuable experiences in my life, a true test of faith. I came here trusting in His vision and plan for my life, but it easy for that to become muggy and unclear when I try to take the lead. I have never been more dependent upon God's direction and provision in my life than I am right now. I am in a very vulnerable stage in my life which has allowed me to grow spiritually in a closer walk with the Lord.
My heart is filled with joy and thanksgiving. I am comforted by knowing that I serve a God who loves me unconditionally and will provide for my every need. I feel His presence in providing me peace. No matter where I am in this world and no matter how far I am from the people I love, I can ALWAYS proclaim His name and He will comfort me. His love will never fail me. Praise be to God!
I know I can face each day, no matter what they may hold, by proclaiming Psalms 118:24 "This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!"